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so sleep alone tonight
n isnani ms .loves Allah . fond of Yellow & Purple. needs Fityan Assyakirin. Family,Friends,Educators,Love - My Heartbeat. |
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Friday: 7 July 2006
Deep Inside My Heart......
a confession from a lady who dunno where she belongs now.....a lady who have been lost....lost deep inside the forest not knowing how to get her way out....she need guidance....yes guidance....guidance and support....she needs to knw where she belong now...in order to get her way out of the forest....but the prob is....she needs to confess her feelings....she needs to confess her tots coz it seems like there is no one who knows her feelings now....no one understand wats she exactly she feels now.....she tot tat,mayb tat is the key.....the key for her to open the treasure box tat is now beside her....which contains the map out of the forest....
i'm sorie....i'm sorie if i were to hurt u in the past few communications wif one another....i never meant to hurt u....in fact,it have never crossed my mind.....i dunno if my actions was right....i try....i try to help u in many ways....but it doesnt seems to be useful....it seems like it does not give any effect to this frenship.....is it getting better?or is it getting more worst?i dont knw....i'm i pampering u this way?or is it becos...wat ever tat i have done for u does not matter to u?i still dont knw....i try...i try to put myself into ur situation....but it seems like the more i does it....i feel worst cos i'm not doing it for myself...i'm not hepi doing it....i don want it tat way....i seriously hate it wen each time,it is alwaes me who have to understand u.....why cant u try to put urself in my shoes?why cant u wen i can?i dont knw....or is it....i'm just a normal fren to u....a fren tat u befren wif wen u have no one?a fren whom u feel is like a living doll whom u can just let out ur anger,ur problems which u think can be solved by this living doll whithout u thinking hard to solve it?i just don understand....can u please explain it to me?
yeah,i knw....u have given me those words...words of wat u think bout me...but somehow....it is not convincing enuf.....it seems like it is all lies....lies which is just there to cover up......somehow...ur action don seem to prove it....i want....i want equal treatment from u....equal treatment tat is given by u to ur other frens....i want...i want to feel the effection tat u have given to ur other frens.....i want....i want the same luv tat u give to ur other frens....y?y i don get those treatments?is it becos all these while....i have been showing u tat i don mind if u were to leave me alone?y?Y u can wait upon ur other frens?u can wait for them for as long as they need to get of of tat place but not me?does it mean tat u don want ur other frens to feel lonely while walking....therefore u wait upon them.....or is it because ur other frens get angry wen u don wait for them?therefore u have to look after their heart properly so as not to hurt them?wat about me?i feel the same too.....i have feelings too.....if they get angry....i get angry too.....there is a say which goes...."people who are close to u and they have been ur longtime fren n u knw tat person very well,u will tend to forget bout them and their feeling....and as for the person u just get to knw...u will look after their hearts properly..."u understand dat rite?does tat phrase seems to be familiar to u?i don understand...me and ur other frens started to be ur frens at the same time....but why?why they get the special treatment and i don?y?y?y?is it because i'm not the kind of special fren as ur other frens?am i just an ordinary fren after4 years?yeah i suppose it is....
yeah,i knw sumtimes i can be very sensitive...but hey!tats me....u have to accept tat fact...u have ur own character too.....i have alwaes understood it and i have alwaes tried to understand....tat is y i have never revealed anything.....anything until it make me too full tat i tot i need to explode it all out.....i have no one to talk to if u notice...yeah i knw,i cant make everyone like me....but all i need is explanations....true explanations so tat i knw who i'm to u.....so tat i knw where i stand...so tat i can tell myself wat i shud do.....so tat i will not step over the boundary.....so tat i will tell myself not to get jealous with wat the others get from u....tell me the clear lines betweens us....this is one secret tat i wanna reveal to u.....u knw wat?i get jealous wen i see the other frens get to be ur best of frens....wen their pics r always there...always as a display pics....everywhere....in ur diary and more.....yeah,tat is wat i want....just plainly explanations.....tat is the onli thing tat i ask for.....so pls....give me wat i want....for the last time at least......i don ask for much.....so pls fullfill my wish.....i beg of u....
Okay...i'm done with wat i wanna say....tat is wat i have been feeling now....i'm sooooo glad tat it have been poured out.....actuali u all don have to mind much bout it....if it does not applies to u.....i have been feeling sooo terible when this thing is in my heart....so after letting out i feel soooooo great.....tothose who read this and u think tat this applies to u....i don wanna say much bout this.....i just wanna let u knw bout wat i feel.......so tat u knw wat is going on....u don have to do anything.......i don wanna talk bout it...but if u reali treat me as ur special fren....i hope u can change through ur actions.....i reali don wanna talk bout it.....so....u understand n understood lah yah....i hope tat wateva tat i have written here.....wont effect wat i have now with u...the relationship tat we have now......don change wat u always do or sae to me.....do change ur attitude towards me....don change ur actions towards me if u think tat u wuldnt want to change wateva things tat i have said above.....pls....i u reali wnna change ur actions towards me...pls chnage to the betta....not by leaving me alone......by stop talking to me...tat is not my purpose of me writing this confession....it is just to let u knw wat i feel deep insde ma heart....tat is wat this blog is meant for rite?i hope u don mind i do this bcos i don have other paces to let my heart out....to tell all my feelings.....i have to do it here....i knw i can do it in my diary........but i want u to knw bout it.....tats y i put it here......i don wanna keep any secrets from u.....i want u to knw more about wat i feel.......i hope u understand.....thanx for everything....thanx for the happiness tat we have shared together....though these r all sadness tat i have written above....but i admit tat i do have happiness with u.....i treasure it lots!
lotsa luv,
=isnani=
assalamualaikum(9:50 pm,7 July 2006)
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