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so sleep alone tonight
n isnani ms .loves Allah . fond of Yellow & Purple. needs Fityan Assyakirin. Family,Friends,Educators,Love - My Heartbeat. |
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As i type this post, tears are falling profusely. i aint sure why it have to turn out this way. let me tell you what's in my mind right now.
part 1: I ask myself, why worldly stuff seems to be very much important to human beings? Money, happiness, enjoyment; anything that could make the world go “round”. Is it that important until we could forget everything about LIFE, about LOVE, about PEACE? Something that was said by Teacher Diba, from “terlalu istimewa” ( a TV drama) caught my attention. It goes like “when we pay too much attention on worldly stuff, that’s when we actually lose everything”. I kind of agree to it, because, we never feel satisfied with what we have. We tend to search for more to fulfill our “needs”. Ain’t that signifies that we are actually losing what we have gained till we have to search for more and more of everything? You know, in my perspective, money was never important. Kenape kita harus bergantung keada sesuatu yang tidak akan membawa kita kemana-mana tapi kepada kebinasaan? Benar, tanpa duit kita juga tidak akan ke mana-mana, but, if that was proved to be true, then why there’s still many other people out there who can survive without money? Pucuk pangkalnya adalah kita. Kalau kita ada usaha, pasti ada jalan. Jangan lah kita membinasakan orang lain semata-mata untuk mendapatkan apa yang kita mahu. Mereka juga berhak untuk hidup seperti anda. Lihatlah dunia ini dari perspektif yang lain, kerana saya pasti ada intipati yang boleh kita peroleh, yang boleh mendidik diri kita, membawa kita ke arah yang lebih cemerlang, memberi suatu “jiwa” pada diri kita yang melebihi segalanya. Pabila anda sampai di sana suatu hari nanti, saya pasti tiada apa yang lebih berharga. go search for the real meaning of LIFE, LOVE and PEACE in you. negative does not mean that it cannot be changed to positive (: It's difficult to express things it words. It's difficult to make people feel "touched" or "affected" by what you write. But, i am trying hard enough to write what i could. Hopefully you can take something back with you after reading it. I'm sorry for the multi-language. like i said,it's difficult to express things in words. Part 2: yup, friends do come and go. and i find it hard to make the relationship grow stronger. i know that i'm the weak one, but i dont know how to change that. by nature, i am a person who doesnt love to talk much. i prefer to do everything by myself till i find myself to be struggling all by myself. at times i feel that i'm fine, but at other times i feel that i dont. i hate to force myself, but at the same time the heart always says that i want it. i just cant bring myself to do it. mood swings is all i have, i guess. i love it when it swings to the "goody goody", which i think portrays what i really am. but when it swings to the "baddy baddy", i turn to an evil person. that's not the impression that i want to stay at others mind. all i can say is, i'm sorrry. its always the case where my heart says one thing, but the body does another thing. understanding is all i need. just dont take what i do too hard. just know that i've tried hard (: "hey...from what i see, i know that it seems like you've understood me (trust me, its more than anybody else). i know you've tried to make me feel comfortable. but you know what? it makes me feel guilty when i see that. i was disappointed at myself when i saw that impression on your face. i know that i've failed. i know that i am being unfair. i hate myself for doing those things to you. thank you for staying by my side all this while. thank you for remembering all those details ( it was unbelievable). thank you for your patience. thank you for everything! like what a friend have said to me before this, i would like to dedicate that to you too. "you are sure one true friend (:" this i promise you, i'll try my best as much as possible to give you what you deserve best. if not "o _ _ _ _ _ _" at least " _ _ _ _ _ e". give me time (: " to end both parts of my entry, i would like to say, "i appreciate ((:" thank you Allah for making me realise all this. this was what have brought me thus far. you've opened my eyes. but please, widen up what i see. only then, i could be a better ummah, insyallah (: |