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so sleep alone tonight
n isnani ms .loves Allah . fond of Yellow & Purple. needs Fityan Assyakirin. Family,Friends,Educators,Love - My Heartbeat. |
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liyanadayana afiqah fadilah iqahh fatin atiqah lee afidah suria amalina nadia khalisah nisa sabrina nisaaa rafie hazwin hazwan credits
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"hit me hard, and i'm flat....
I seldom blog about my feelings but here it goes… Yeahh, this is just the first week of school and I have skipped twice. I don’t really know what just hit me that makes me so unmotivated and tired (mentally, not physically). Kinda ponder on the possible reasons behind making me feel this way on Friday. As I surf around my brain, thinking of the reasons, I came to the possible reason on what makes me feel so called like a loser. I don’t really have the passion o the course I’m taking. Diploma in IT… I was never mentally prepared when I enter the second year as I really not that type of person. Of course, my peeps will know me an artistic kinda guy, laid-back and a jovial kinda moron. Since entering my second year and doing these alien modules, I kinda lost all of that. I started to feel more pressured, I look like a stressed up potato, confused and I killed jovial Faizal. So, I kept having this idea “Ohh, this isn’t the thing I wanna do”. Seriously, I have no passion left in the bottle and I kept entering the class and force myself to do all this things. As I enter the room, all I see are faced that seems to be unfriendly and I feel weird in this environment. To be frank, year 1 is way more fun as the peeps are great. You get to mix with all the other schools students. The environment is so great that you never want to leave and you always have the reason to come to school as the environment is friendly and warm. Now, I felt alienated in my own world as this guys decided to create their own clan and it kinda sad to see it. I’m not the only one as my other peeps suffered that too. Imagine, every single day you walk up to the class and sit in the environment where people talk the different language, don’t like your presence and even take their time to bad mouth about you and your peeps. Even when you try to be friendly, they will ignore or say that everything’s done and no need to worry. That is just the first part. Then, came the subjects. Yeahh, I passed my semester 1 but I don’t understand a single shit on what I’m learning. It’s like I do things without getting the purpose behind it. The feeling truly sucks I have to face it every single day. It’s not that I’m saying my life sucks or trying to be an emo jerk. My life is great as my family always being there for me especially my sister and bruu’s, friends that make me laugh and help me when I’m crapped and God, who always look after me. The greatness crumbles when I step to class and had this “Aww, it start all over again” kinda feeling.So, I decided to seek help from my sister. I fear that she might get disappointed on hearing my reasons as she help me lots so that I will get into poly. Surprisingly, she’s okay with it and tries to cheer me up. She hopes that I will continue taking this course and she recommends me to take up my preferred course after NS (which probably need to sign a bond). Hmmm… It’s like I’m falling into a deep hole (like Muse’s Bliss Video)… Ladies N Gentlemen, I’m lost." taken from: www.blackwhitetrain.blogspot.com the paragraph that you've read above, was taken from one of my classmate's blog, faizal. dude, if you've stumbled to this page and you're reading this, i'm sorry. and i hope you dont mind me taking this from your blog (:
basically, yes, that is the exact same thing that i'm feeling too. not the part on me having the interest in design though, but basically, ZERO interest in whatever i'm studying now. yes, yes, what he've said is right. "passed semester 1, but not understand a single thing that i've learnt". so tell me, arent i wasting my time right now? hmm, there's no words that could describe what i'm feeling right now. just so you know, those days i've spent not writing anything on this blog, keeping myself quite and reflecting...this is it. this was the thing i was thinking about. and thank god, faizal is a good interpretor and knows how to express his feelings, so i can share with you all, lor (:
after all these blabbering,what now? what should be the solution to all these?i cant possibly give up. just not me. i know, its just a test from HIM. no, i dont mind studying IT and learning more about it. but cant things just get any easier? 2 programming language to learn in a week. that is still managable, but what about the people who're teaching or rather facilitating the lesson? dont talk about java. i got no problem with the faci. she's great! thank you, faci (:
but, hey, php aint easy. basically, i seriously think that he should give us more time and at least teach in simpler words, will you? understanding the language is already hard, what more learning the techniques and all. enough said. i aint gonna elaborate more. basically, what i'm feeling is already in the paragraph. too much commotions on this. and as it have always been said, "different people, different perspective". i'm not complaining. but i just hope for a brighter day in days to come. ahhh, i just have to start the day with a smile, and everything will be fine, right, DR Fadhilah Kamsah? ((: lets get on, alright? :DD basically, my life now is all about being thankful that i can get through a day, smoothly. yes, smoothly. brain are just too clustered with loads of stuff to think about, and i've yet to settle everything down. each night is all about thinking what will be tomorrow's problem, how to solve them and mug, and mug and mug. no no. my eyes cant take it any longer. haha. what not, my sleeping time nowadays are above 11 pm, and there's a lot of things to complete. some time for me to do prayers, some time to mug, some time to bathe, some time to eat, some time to do RJ, some time to do tiny winy toning down exercise. everything have to be alocated some time so that i can complete them. now, its all about priotizing. i'm like a zombie already. yawns. aiyaa. aiyaa. alhamdulillah! alhamdulillah! i thank HIM for making everything smooth lately. i know HE's with me, and thus, everything is worth it. thinking about HIM makes everything become possible. Yes Allah, thank you (: and oh! supeer dupeer happy! yay! yay! yay! Selamat..Hari Raya! you know, i know lar hor! :D and only when that day comes... i can.....debuuush! sleep all i want. haa (: recuperate, recuperate. for now, let me have things my way, so that i can get eveything settled down (((:
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